Our Life, Our Family, Our Love.

Dear Diary..

2012-02-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

I'll let you in on an (embarrassing) secret: I have been running for over a year, wanting to be able to run a 5K and I still can not run 3 miles without being in pure exhaustion. "Well Kara, why? A year is more then plenty of time to train!", you may say (or think). You know what? I am not sure why. But I'll tell you this much, something is stirring inside of me. something is stripping me to my core and really getting to me. Something is making me totally and utterly break down in tears after my runs. And I have a hunch that running isn't what is causing it, but running is exposing it.

I want to be good at things. I can honestly say that I don't think I am good at one thing in my life. I am OK at some things, I do very well with things sometimes, but I am not, nor have I have ever been consistently good at anything. I keep hearing that God gives everyone a gift. I can't help but give a sour little laugh when I hear that. What's my gift? Maybe if I consistently followed Jesus and gave my life to Him better than I do, my eyes would be open to that gift that I guess I must have somewhere hidden inside of myself. But we all know I'm not very good at following through with things (oh, you didn't know? Well now you do!) so being the "Good Christan" I need and so want to be is so very hard for me at times.

When I discover something, I get excited about it and want to do it, but in a matter of time I just stop. I never finish what I start. Everyone knows this about me, My husband , my parents. They don't say it to me, they don't put me down or remind me about it, they are far too kind and good to do that, but it's something that we all know about me and it's really just hanging over my head at all times. It's almost as though I don't want to bother to start anything if I know I won't finish it. It gets hard and I stop. I don't push on, I figure it's just one of those things I'm not good at. I let these things hold me back. I'm scared of embarrassing myself and most of all, I'm scared of failure. I'm realizing that I'm not going to have anything I want if I don't allow myself to fail. But I'm scared. I feel like I have failed at enough. I'm not really sure if I can do it any more. I hear about people that have learning disabilities and they overcome it, they work hard and fight and work through it.. and I wonder HOW? How do you not let that stop you? If you have a brain that feels like it's working against you, holding you back from understanding things that everyone else understands, how do you keep on going? How do you work past that? This has been bothering me so much lately. There are things I really want to do in my life but I just feel like it's not worth the struggle. I've been through the struggle and I have failed miserably. I just don't want to go through that again. And so here I am, wanting so much that is out there, wanting to grasp it and make it mine, yet only have what is right here with me and nothing more.

If I can make my legs and my lungs do what feels impossible, then maybe, just maybe I can make my brain work and do things I didn't think it could do as well. I just need to give myself the dedication, I need to be strong and know that it's going to be hard, I may fail at times and I may even embarrass myself. If I try hard enough, maybe then I can do it.

And so my dear friend; we'll call him Running, is teaching me something. I don't like what he has to say to me most times. He's saying "It's going to be tough. It's not always fun, and you might even embarrass yourself. But you CAN do it.. do you want it enough to handle the bad that goes with the good?" And so I ignore him for awhile, kind mad at him. Why can't it be easier? Why must I struggle? But in the end, I know he's right. And honestly I think he knows more about me than I know about myself.
And you just thought running was a sport? Yeah I did too, until I became involved.

getting ready

2011-12-20T21:54:00.000-08:00

So I'm up, taking a break from folding laundry.
We are anticipating the big trip to Pennsylvania early Friday morning. Call me crazy but I love the drive.. well kinda..right up until about when it's about 5/6 hours in and I realize we are now only half way after all this time. But then it gets exciting again after another 100 miles..I count down by 100 miles. It's amazing how fast 100 miles can go when you have a movie for the kids to watch, food in every one's belly and a nice conversation with the husband or my nook in hand. It's actually quite nice sometimes. I love love LOVE the first hour of being on the road. the quiet sneaking around in the completely dark, getting everything ready. Everyone in the neighborhood is asleep but us. Mentions of seeing nana and pap-pap to get the kids moving.. we whisper and sneak around; careful not to make a disturbance. and then on the road we go.. Maybe we'll see a headlight here and there but mostly we are alone and the air feels so thick of darkness, the quiet excitement. I don't know, maybe I'm the only crazy one in the family that feels this way, but I love it. I love driving and watching the sun start to peek through, I love the routines we have down to make the long ride easier. I love that we now have a VAN with a dvd player! I know we'll have screaming and fighting and whining, but right now I want to relish in the pleasures of driving for 10-12 hours with 3 kids, 5 and under. I am wondering how it will be for Noah. He is getting older and much more vocal in what he doesn't like. This shall be interesting! Also we have decided to forward face him. now. I keep battling myself on this issue. I really wanted to wait until he was 2, since it is now recommended and such a simple step to keep him safe. but I do think we need to do it for this trip and I'll see how it goes after that. He will be 2 in Feb so it's not too far away.
So yes, as I was saying, I am folding the never ending pile of laundry. Packing and cleaning the house is the worst part of the tri to Pennsylvaina, not including teary good byes to loved ones yet again, knowing you'll see them again in 6 months.

I'm excited! not even for Christmas but for HOME! I can't believe I grew up here wanting to leave. As I got older I knew it was a great place to have a family and living somewhere else had confirmed that for me. It's home, and nothing can ever change that for me.

Waiting..

2011-12-16T10:48:00.000-08:00

God works in wonderful ways. I graduated high school not having a clue what I wanted to do. I got to watch my friends and classmates go off to college. THEY had it all figured out. Not me. I wasn't even close. Oh I interviewed and visited a few schools, desperately trying to figure it out, even trying to force myself to like a new plan I made up for myself. I would get excited about it but I knew my heart wasn't quite in it enough.

My friends were all gone, I was lonely and not making quite the right choices in my life that I should have been making.. You could say I turned my back on God. I remember talking with God and saying "Ok I can take it from here now.. I'm not sure what your plans are for me, but it's starting to feel like you aren't really here for me after all." It's no surprise that this was when things got really tough for me. I'm not even sure if I realized how low I have gotten but I was numb, and sad, and just not well.

Looking back, I think I was just filling a void of uncertainty, maybe even shame that I didn't know what I was going to do in my life when it seemed like everyone had it figured out. I was lonely. I was sad and just a confused mess. I could go on and on about that time in my life. So many bad things happened yet it was one of the most important times in my life because I came out of it stronger then ever. More sure of myself and sure of God and his love and plan for me. I got to a point where I said a prayer, asking for an answer about a guy I liked way more then I should have, another void I was filling I guess. I got that answer so loud and clear. I realized God was there for me, just waiting for me. It took way too long but I did come back. I remember my dad telling me that I gave my heart God, he lives there in my heart, and there is nothing I can do to turn him away now. He's just waiting on me and ready for me to come back. That once I am a follower of Christ, I will not be forsaken, even when I mess up terribly and forget about Him. That is the beauty of it all.

I began to search. I read the Bible.. the book of Romans was a good one for me. I was highlighting, underlining and copying down so many verses that really just hit me. My eyes were open and I felt like those words were written just for me.

I came to realize that God really has a plan for me. I had no idea what it might be but I need to trust in Him. I came to peace to the fact that maybe God's plan was for me to never get married. Maybe His plan for me was to be stuck in a job that I didn't like for awhile. I had no idea but I was going to trust in Him and be happy knowing that He has that plan figured out, I don't need to figure it all out, I can just live my life and follow Jesus and do my best at what was handed to me at that moment.

Just 9 months after I came to peace with this realization, I met Matt. I knew very early on that it was something very special. Soon after becoming married, I got pregnant and be came a mother.

8 years have now passed since that hard time in my life. Now that I am a mother, I realize how much I love pregnancy,labor, birth, newborns, breastfeeding.. all of it. I know when My kids get older I am going to want to work with pregnant women. How in the world would I have known that before? I needed to go through it all to realize how special it was to me. God had this plan for me, he knew what was in my heart even though I didn't know it at the time. Now I have to wait some more. Wait for my kids to get older so I can do that dream job that I have been searching for for so long. I am Ok with waiting some more. I know God is looking out for me now, and everything will come with time.

It's amazing the way He works. When I am having a hard time, I always think back to that troubled time in my life and I remember HE is there waiting for me, even when it doesn't feel like it. He has a plan for me, and it's a good plan.. a plan writen out just for me.

These are just a few verses that I wrote down during that hard time.. you can just see what I was thinking or feeling as you read them. I'm so glad I recorded them to look back on when I need it.:

Romans 7:18-20
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:15
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba,Father.”

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Romans 6:21-22
What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.

It's Time

2011-12-16T10:16:00.000-08:00

    I realize it's time to sign up for a 5K. I think it's time to sign up and prove something to myself.

   Although I know I have ran 3 miles in the past, I have not been running like I should, 3 miles is now very very hard for me. I did it before, and I know I can do it again with more practice.  The only way for me to have the motivation to improve is to sign up for a race.
    I'm scared! I don't do this sort of thing and I am terrified. I hate to fail at things, I hate to mess up and not do a good job, which has made running really hard for me because I get so frustrated at myself when I don't do well, which for a beginner, is something that happens often. Instead of wanting to improve and keep working on it until I get better, the little voices inside tell me to just stop because I am not good at it,why bother do it?   I need to show those voices who's boss now! I need to stop letting my fear of failure get the best of me. I need to just try things, even if I'm not good at them. The fear of failing holds me back from trying so many things in life and that needs to change.
    I will be 29 years old in March. When I am older, I want to look back and feel like I have lived and have done things that in my heart I wanted to do. So starting now I will start doing. I will ignore those voices telling me I can't do it. Who cares if I'm not good at it? Why should that stop me from trying? How will I get better if I don't try? When I grow older, I want to love my life I lived, I want to feel proud of myself and what I have done. Better yet, I want my kids to grow up and see that their mom wasn't holding herself back, wasn't scared. Well maybe she was scared.. being scared is normal and is ok, but letting the fear control you isn't good. How will I encourage my children to go out there and experience life if I can not do that for myself?

I want to enter my 30s and feel GOOD about ME. So this year is the perfect time to start. I will run a race.. I will run a few races. Who know, maybe I'll even try to learn to play an instrument.. I have wanted to do that for so long, why notdo that as well? After that.. who knows? There are so many things I have wanted to do but held myself back. Not anymore!

St Nicholas Day

2011-12-10T21:44:00.000-08:00

The merry family gatherings –

The old, the very young;

The strangely lovely way they

Harmonize in carols sung.

For Christmas is tradition time

Traditions that recall

The precious memories down the years,

The sameness of them all.

-Helen Lowrie Marshall

I wanted to post this a few days ago but had some trouble with the pics. Here was our St Nick day this year on Monday, December 6, 2011.
The girls awoke early and started to tear into the stockings. Thankfully I woke up just in time to catch them and have them get dressed for school and eat breakfast first.

We have changed around the old tradition of finding candy or gifts in boots/shoes to stocking stuffers. We don't do stockings for Christmas but I still love stocking stuffers, so we do them for St Nicholas day now.

My aunt made that stocking holder a while ago for our family when I was a kid. I remember it from when I was younger and am so thankful to have to now, we really needed one and it's so pretty! Since Matt and I don't do stocking for each other and we only have three kids, I think we'll have to get our dog Sadie a stocking!

Here are a few pictures that morning. I was without coffee at this point so picture-taking was not high priority; sleep and/or coffee was.

Sadie is getting in on the action, even

Emily with her loot laid all around her. (Still dark outside!)

We eventually had to wake Noah up. Clearly as you can see in this picture, getting presents was not as exciting for him as we imagined. The boy loves his sleep- can't blame him!

2011-12-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

I don't write about or mention Matt on my blog much; which I think he appreciates actually, but he's been on my mind lately (more then normal at least) and when something is on my heart and on my mind, I have to blog it.

It's just that it amazes me how much closer we've gotten, that I could ever be this close with someone. I think back to how we got engaged after dating for only 11 months when I was almost 21 years old. We were engaged for about 1 1/2 years before getting married. He still had one year of college to finish but we figured why wait, what difference will it make if we know we'll be together anyway? So we get married in June. I found out I was pregnant October 24th. I remember that day so clearly. The disbelief, the worry of how the heck are we going to do this, we clearly can't afford it! The fact that we are just getting to know each other as husband and wife, and now a baby? I wanted a baby soon after getting married, but was hoping to try after a year of marriage. I was a little excited but mainly scared and worried about how Matt would react. We have talked about baby stuff in the past and I know he mentioned that he (and us as a couple) were clearly not ready yet. So I do what any women does when distressed: call my mom. Yes my mom was the first to find out. She consoled me until Matt came home later the day. So he comes home to my mom and I sitting down looking serious and worried . My mom leaves and I start the conversation with "I have something to tell you that you aren't going to like" HAHA! I can't believe I said it like that! The thoughts of what must have gone through the poor guys head! So after telling him, he sighs a huge sigh of relief and is.. get this.. actually excited! So this begins our journey.

It's been tough at times. The first two years were especially hard on us as a married couple.. getting to know each other as a married couple while I have those pregnancy hormones, insecurities and all the other "wonderful" stuff that comes with pregnancy. Then we have this little baby neither one of us knows anything about, not much sleep, and awhole new dynamic of the house.. all this adding more stress. It was not easy at times. but we knew we had to and could do it

6 1/2 years and 3 kids later and I look at my husband and I feel so lucky. I have seen him grow so much as a husband and a father. I am so proud of him and all he does.. for going to work every day to provide a pay check in order for us to live, working 2 jobs even once. I'm proud of the hard work he puts into h
is work, he doesn't just show up, he goes above and beyond and gives it his all, and it shows. A father: I'm proud to see him with the kids.. He may not know this, but his patience is growing and I see the nurturing side of him coming out more then it ever has. He is there for them. He bring out the silliness for them but can get serious too when needed. I'm proud! As a husband: he lifts me up. As a couple we have learned the right way to fight, that when you fight it isn't a free for all- you don't try to hurt each others feeling and put them down, I'm lucky to have a husband that knows this and respects me, even when angry at me. He says he's sorry when it's needed: such a simple act but it does and means so much! I can always count on him being here for me.
I am so thankful that we both changed in the same ways, we changed together rather then growing apart because of the chaos.

I prayed for him before I even knew him. I knew God had a plan for me, I really had no idea what the plan was and was ready to accept it, no matter what that may may have been..but then I found him and knew right away Matt was God's plan for me.

Sometimes life is a struggle, other times it's easy and fun; but it's my life and it's with my husband and my three beautiful children and I am so unbelievably blessed by God

..............................................................................................
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company
than a good marriage.
~ Martin Luther ~

Dear Lord.. Why?

2011-11-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

   I have been long overdue for a good run. I thought my soul needed it more then my body. This was confirmed when I tuned in to the Praise and Worship station on Pandora and was 5 steps in and started to cry. It's funny how running can do that to me, it just brings something out in me, a sort of outlet. I keep a lot inside in day to day life and when I run, I let go of a lot of things that have been bottling up. Most times I don't even have to let it go, but it just pours out uncontrollably.

    Sometimes it's so easy to feel somewhat wronged by God. You know He has a plan for you, you have other wants and plans, but it just doesn't always work out your way and it can HURT. Sometimes things seem silly or unreasonable when you say it out loud. sometimes you might not even understand why you feel the way you do- it sure would be easier if you didn't feel this way.. Sometimes you just want to ask God "WHY?" Why have you chosen this for me?

    During my run I have realized that I was praying the wrong prayer. Asking for something that is not in his plans. I need to ask to be at peace with what his plans for me. Honestly I am not ready to do that yet. I feel as though that is giving up on a dream.. maybe a dream that makes no sense to anyone but me.. but it's my dream. And when I do pray that He helps me to come to peace with His plans for me, I know the healing will start but I just can't do it yet. I know God is there just waiting to heal me.

I'm glad my God is a patient God.

Source: Uploaded by user via Kara on Pinterest

10 Random Things About Emily

2011-11-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

1. Every time I put Emily in the bath, about 5 minutes later I'll catch her cold, naked little dripping wet tush running around the house, scavenging for toys to bring in the tub. It cracks me up, it happens almost every time, no matter what i put in the tub with her.

2. When Emily has something she really wants to tell you, she'll gently yet firmly hold on your jaw and have you look her right in the eye and tell with a slow, steady whisper.

3. Emily doesn't say the word "don't" she instead says "not". As in, "I not like this" or "I not know"

4. Emily's hair. It's just like mine. Her hair will look beautiful but it will frustrate her as she gets older. She will wish hers held a curl like Claire's does. And I will be there to share that frustration, and remind her how beautiful and silky smooth her hair is, even if it doesn't hold any sort of style!

5. I love that Emily seems to have my body. I don't know why, I just do!

6. No matter how mean she can get, she has a real loving nurturing side as well. I used to think she was the little mommy of the house. The terrible twos and threes changed that. Now that she's around 3 1/2, that little mommy is coming back out at times. Oh how I missed that side of her!

7. She loves to kill bugs though. She acts like she likes them but then eagerly smashes them. I have to stop her from going after the really big ones in the house because she is not that quick, and they'll get loose!

8. She loves to make friends and talk to kids. She'll just randomly talk to any kid. They don't always understand her, but that's OK!

9. Emily gets scared very easily. she doesn't like being picked up too high over your head or swung around. she doesn't like any movies that have scary parts.. such as Shrek, Toy Story 3, the 3rd Tinkerbell movie, pretty much all the princess movies scare her as well.

10.Emily is very hot and cold.. she is lovin life to the fullest or not lovin it at all. she was like this as a baby- a sweet, happy, smiley girl or angry, screaming thrashing thing..

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T23:54:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was a success. I still miss seeing a lot of our family but I got a little more used to it now that we've had a few holidays away from home under our belt.

I miss the loudness of family members yelling excitedly and laughing loudly. I miss how at my grandparents we eat then go in the living room to talk and drink coffee all while picking through the dessert table as we pass through the dinning room. I miss having cousins play together- they are just getting to that great age where they can really have fun together! I miss how at my in laws house I can count on some fun conversations being had! you can also count on football flashing across the tv screen. There are dogs running around, trying to hide from pestering children, or else they are resting in their crates from exhaustion of small kids running around (don't we know how that feels!) I even miss how I almost always bump my head on the light over the table. After so many times of eating dinner there, I still do it. And better yet, I act suprised afterwards. Yes, I miss you too, light fixture!

As much as I miss these things just so much more, I know I can't dwell on it. I need to look to the things going on right NOW. Today started off with princess movies but eventually we watched the parade. Claire fell asleep while watching it and cuddling with me.*love* This year was the first year that I made a meal that turned out well: everything was timed right and finished cooking at the same time and tasted pretty good! That is big for me! Timing is everything and I struggle with that! Today we went around to hear what we are thankful for and it melts my heart to hear Claire talk. What a sweet, wonderful big girl she is turning into! Later she asked me to cuddle and we did just that for awhile. Hearing her say a prayer of thanks tonight all on her own when I tucked her in was so special for me. I'm so happy to watch her grow, loving our Lord and eager to talk with Him.

It was a nice Thanksgiving and I hope everyone else hada great day as well!

..cookies..

2011-11-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this by saying I am not good at cooking with my kids. I want to be, but it's just hard for me. So..

I'm not sure why I chose today to be the day we make and decorate a few gingerbread cookies; The day I got little to no sleep and running on empty with a husband not around to help.. but I did.

I had to remind myself a few times to keep my cool.. just let it go, stop freaking out, just let them have fun..

admittedly it was not a good idea to do it tonight but it passed the time and most importantly the kids loved it, so I guess that's all that matters. Next time I hope to enjoy it with them, but now that it's over I realize it wasn't so bad.

with the exception of those tiny sprinkles that have managed to get everywhere and I still feel them on the bottom of my feet even though I swept the floor 5 times.

My kids can drive me crazy at times but man, they warm my heart more then I ever realized was possible.

I'm so lucky.

2011-11-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

   Ok, I said I was gonna do so here I am- I'm bringing it back. My blog, that is! So here is my feeble attempt to give this a go.
   Things got a bit crazy over the summer. Not that I expected any less. It was hot and we were in the house trying to keep cool, yet going stir crazy. Not to mention Emily was in the worst of the whole terrible twos thing and it was bad! School is here now and Claire is in school from 8:00- 2:30 and Emily is in school every other day form 9:00-12:00.. and that leaves me with not just a lot of running around and picking up/ dropping off, but also a chance to catch my breath. Of course I seem to waste this time by doing nothing constructive or worth while. Keep in mind I still have a very busy 20 month old with me at all times, which is pretty nice to have him to myself a little bit! I figure now I am a few months into school. I got my chance to slack off a bit (haha. yeah.) now it's time to buckle down and do some things that need to be done or do things that I want to do but find laziness as an excuse not to do them. Writing my blog is one of those things on my list but more things I want to get better at follows:

Devotions/time with God every day. I try to do this but it just doesn't always happen and that needs to change. I also want to start a prayer list. I always mean to do that but it never happened

First thing in the morning I will put in a load of laundry and then wash, fold and put away a load of laundry a day (not including the diapers, which i tend to wash at night) I have clothes separated in 3 baskets and whichever is fullest gets washed. Sometimes I don't get to the folding/putting away until the kids are sleeping.. sometimes it gets done the next day  (shhhh)

Clean each room in the house for 10-15 minutes. This should happen on a Tuesday probably. I tend to do best when working against the clock so it's pretty amazing what I can get done when I set a timer for 15 minutes and get to cleaning! the timer goes off and I stop what I'm doing and don't look back until next time.

Going to bed earlier. I stay up way too late!! It's my "me time" and I need it. Yet I ruin myself the whole next day when I am exhausted and feeling like I can't do a thing. Also my temper seems to come out more often. I NEED to get more sleep. So if you see me on facebook or pinterest at 12 or 1.. maybe even 2am.. (yeah, it happens) tell me to go to bed!

Now that I am going to be much more rested, I also want to start running in the morning. It would be so much easier to do that and get it out of the way because if I don't, then it tends to get pushed in the back of the To Do list.

This stuff seems so simple right? So why is it so hard for me? I can't blame it all on having 3 small kids (But I just might, because that is much easier) I am just not the most motivated person, so I need to start small, although this really isn't that small for me.

This is my commitment, my promise to myself. I will do this for one month and then see just how much happier and put together I feel. I'll let y'all know around December 9th

My Claire

2011-09-08T05:26:00.000-07:00

I pray you have the strength to ask questions
That you have the heart to help others who need a hug
The courage to stand up for what you believe in
And the guidance to pick out good friends

Day three of kindergarten and I cried more today then ever. Maybe it's because today I am also meeting Emily's preschool and I am realizing how big both of my kids are getting. However, I think the fact that this is really happening, she is really in school now and won't get out until she is all grown is hitting me. Now the days will really zip by, if they haven't already zipped by fast enough. It's sinking in and becoming reality. I have a way of blocking my emotions in an event that usually causes tears (such as when I gave birth or got married) it just never seems real until after the fact and then it hits me... Hard. I am realizing this event is no different. Now that the chaos of the first day of school is gone, my head is clearing and focusing on my little girl growing up.

I wait in the car drop off line- ok, we're up! Claire gets out "Gimme a kiss,Claire!" I yell out in a panicky voice as she is starting to get out of the car- I can't miss a kiss this morning! I get my kiss and look at her as she looks so small in front of this huge school, surrounded by a ton of kids going where they need to go. A voice in my head shouts, "She's too little! She's not ready!"
"Of course she is ready, just look at her." The calm and cool person inside of me tells the crazed, panicked side.

"just ask a teacher for help, if you don't know where to go!" I shout out the door before I drive off. That is the hardest part of my day;driving away. I wonder is she too scared to ask for help like I was as a kid? Is she just walking around the giant school, feeling overwhelmed and lost? Did she make it to class on time?

I hate that part. But I look at her face and see it in her eyes: I see the uncertainty for sure, I see a little bit of fear, but what I see overriding all of that is her courage. I see this proud, excited little girl standing in front of the school, not really sure what to do but not really letting that unknown bother her either. I see a strong little girl.

"She is her father's daughter!" I think to myself and I know she'll be just fine. That's when the tears start. So many feelings at once: relief to know she will be just fine, pride because I see such a brave person in the form of a kindergartener. And then my own sadness of realizing that this time has come to an end. She is in school now. I was with her for five years and now I have to loosen my grip- just a little.

A Parenting Do-Over

2011-08-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

      Lately we have been having the kids sneak in our beds at night. And believe it or not, just this simple act has caused me much confusion concerning the way I parent. I am curious as to how I would raise my kids if I could erase all the books and info on parenting I have stored in my head, What would I do differently and how would that affect me (us) now?

      When I compare what I did with Claire to now Noah , I realize there is a significant difference. I don't feel as though one way was more superior then the other, although I will admit that I have made more bad choices with Claire for the reason the she was my first and I had no idea what I was doing. Oh how I deeply wish I could redo just a few things I have done.. but such is life, and I suspect I will have many more of those moments to come.

    So as I was saying earlier, I have been having 2 adorable little monsters, one in particular (Emily), sneaking into our bed at night/early morning. Who knew this would cause me to think and rethink and be so confused? In my mind, when I let one of those stinkin cute monkeys crawl in bed, I feel a bit like a failure as a parent, I'm not doing my job, which should be to teach them to be confident and secure enough to sleep in their own bed at night. Instead I am a slacker mom who is too tired to get out of bed and talk to her and teach her to sleep in her bed. What a terrible mom I must be!! That's when it hit me: there are other moms having their kids sneak in their beds, most likely at the same time as mine are in mine; and maybe these moms are telling their child to go back to their own bed and as the child reluctantly turns around, this mom feels the guilt of not being there for her child, for letting her child down and how lonely that child must feel!

    I am going to try and put these ideas that are swirling around in my head to rest and not think about what I 'should' do but look at each moment with a clean slate and new mind. After reading so many ideas and different parenting styles, it's very confusing up here in my head and I sort of need a do-over before I lose it! You know what, I actually don't mind all that much if a child sneaks into my bed a few times at night, some times I actually (gasp!) enjoy cuddling with them at that time. Sometimes I wish we had a larger bed, but that doesn't mean I hate sharing, I just hate having feet in my face. Then again, there are times when I or Matt would rather them go back to their own bed and so then we simply tell them to go back to bed. Why must I make it so hard on myself?

    If I could do it over again, I would have read the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and stopped there. So a word to new parents: It's ok to read a parenting book but don't read too many and even when you read one, sometimes you have to forget it altogether and just do what feels right! And just because it feels right to you, doesn't mean it feels right to another mom and guess what? That is ok and that is what makes us different!

I understand that most parents or soon-to-be parents probably know this, but I am the type of person that wants to do everything perfectly and correctly which in return messes me up way more in the long run.

It only took me 5 years and 3 kids to get this, lol.

Make Something Monday

2011-08-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

So as this summer is winding down, I realized it's not too late to start something fun while we still have 4 more weeks of summer left- 4 weeks is still a lot!

Today is Make Something Monday. I had to search around online to find something that we could make because I am just not naturally creative and thankfully there are thousands of people online who are!
http://www.create-kids-crafts.com/summer-craft-ideas.html

Make a face on a paper plate

Glue eight strips of construction paper folded accordion-style to the paper plate to make legs (and yes, Claire is sitting on the table)

Glue beads, paperclips, pennies- anything to add a bit of weight- to the ends of the legs

poke a hole in the middle of the plate and tie string through so you can make your spider 'walk'

and there you go!

Claire loved her spider! Emily loved it at first but after not even 5 minutes, she got upset and riped it to shreds. : / Typical Emily.

Either way, it took up some time and kept them busy! I cut out and folded up the legs ahead of time and I used hot glue because it dries quicker but the problem with that is that they couldn't help with the gluing process because it was too hot.. or maybe them not gluing things isn't a problem, I don't know..

C'mon, pull yourself together!!

2011-08-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

She's going to Kindergarten soon and I'm getting REALLY sad. Maybe it's all the school shopping that I have been doing and her back to school the hair cut. This is big kid stuff- I remember doing this. This is the first time in years that the end of summer means something to me. What an odd feeling.

It's kicking in so bad right now, I mean it. It's my baby, my BABY! I can't possibly expect anyone to understand just how I am feeling, but I know some of you do.

Here is a poem I found, I have no idea who wrote it but man did it make me cry:

I wonder what you are doing right now,
and if everyone is treating you kind.
I hope there is a special person,
I nice friend that you can find.

I wonder if the teachers know
just how special you are to me.
and if the brightness of your heart
is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking about me,
and if you need a hug.
I already miss the sound of your voice
and how you give my leg a tug.

I wonder if you could possibly understand
How hard it is for me to let you grow
On this day know that my heart breaks,
For this is the first step in letting my baby go

September 6th is the big day. Mix that with Emily going to preschool for the first time.. oye!
I am being a big girl and acting excited and happy with her but I'm crumbling inside

8 Fears

2011-08-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

eight fears..

death- of me or someone I love

large things- I actually found out that it's a 'phobia' Megalophobia- look it up! i freak out over expanses of earth, nuclear power plants, and quarries to name a few and want to either scream, cry, throw up, or all three. Go to google maps and chose satellite and and zoom out of a forest, river or ocean.. yeah that I can not handle.

bugs- yeah, I know, I'm such a girl. It's gotten wore with every year

blood/needles- tattoos and piercings don't really count, they are more of a thrill.. but bloodwork and shots- YIKES!!!

making phone calls. - I know, I know,. but I REALLY hate doing it, it freaks me out

meeting new people- I want to meet new people but it's scary to me

failing- If I don't think it's something I can't do, then I just stop trying to do it. If I'm not perfect, then I don't even want to try it. I NEED to get over that!

ghosts or people breaking into my house- mainly when Matt isn't here. I can't even take a shower or blow dry my hair with out freaking out that someone is in the same room

Honestly, this list could go on and on.. I am scared of EVERYTHING! I can't even watch a scary movie trailer- no lie, I really can't. and if I do, you better believe I am making Matt go in the bathroom with me when I have to pee. I just typed the first 8 things that came to my mind

Nine Loves

2011-08-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Day 2: Nine Loves

my family

coffee

reading

the smell of honeysuckle in the air on summer evenings

Jesus

running and pushing myself beyond what I think possible

time to myself

pregnant bellies, births, newborns, breastfeeding- the whole shabang

my hometown

10 secrets

2011-07-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging for awhile now and I am having a difficult time getting back into it. After reading my friend Sarah's blog and how she started doing the 10 day you challenge to get back into blogging, I figure that I might as well try it too! I have a feeling it may end up harder then I think.

So here goes nothing.

10 Secrets About Me

1. I really enjoy the kid's Disney show Good Luck Charlie. To the point where I saw a new episode was coming on and I make a point to turn it on that channel- and the kids were sleeping. I used to hide it from Matt but now I just embrace it.

2. I went through a 'rough patch' when I was about 18 years old. Not my proudest days and a lot of sadness and darkness but yet it's what made me who I am now.

3. I got cited with underage drinking when I was 18 (see #2) I almost didn't post this because I really am not proud of that, but then I thought who I was then is not who I am now and that dark moment in my life is actually what helped me to turn around and see some light, so I need to own that.

4. I wanted to be a mom of 3 or 4 boys (This was before I had any kids. God usually has different plans)

5. I have dyscalculia. I had no idea that is what it was when I was school I always just felt stupid and let that get to me with academics in general but now I know that I wasn't stupid after all and I wish I didn't let it affect me the way it did (and still does) Claire is pretty good with math and knows her left and rights better then me (yes, I still mix those up way more then a 28 yr old should.) I think she will be OK. Emily concerns me though, just because she is so much more like me.

6. I am not a good parent all the time. Sometimes(a lot of time) I don't play with the kids (right now Noah is napping and the girls are exploring outside with umbrellas and book bags filled with their lunch- and I am in the house typing this --I am right at the sliding doors so I can see and hear them at least--) I don't think I am as involved as I could be with their play. I feel guilty about this a lot. but I really do get bored playing with them all the time!

7. Don't upset me or you WILL pay! haha. I am sweet. I really am. I am not bothered by much, I get along with a lot of people. People that some that others don't even get along with. I guess at times I am a pushover even, but if I feel strong enough and I feel very serious about something or very wronged, it will not be good. It takes a lot to upset me like that, but if I am, I am VERY good at just cutting you out of my life and washing my hands clean of you!

8. We have 2 pet rats, Lucy and Cuckoo. This is a secret because I told myself and Matt that that we would not get any more small animals, but we did. I guess in a way I didn't want to fully admit it to myself that we do have them, because that would indeed make us officially an animal farm. I haven't told anyone but now it's a good time to announce it! I really like them, one is litter trained and the other one, well we are working on it! Rats are great pets for kids- the best rodents you could have!

9. I am the biggest procrastinator. Well this is truly no secret to anyone that really knows me. I really am terrible at it, so much so that if I am not careful, it can affect my life.

10. I am impulsive (see #8). This is usually a bad thing but I have heard some say it can be good. I would like to see how.

So that is me and I make no apologies for it!

Next time I write, it was be 9 Loves- I have a feeling that one will be much easier!

Have a lovely day and I hope to see YOU do the day '10 Day You Challenge' as well!

2011-06-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

I am trying to get back into things here! Now that summer is here and I have all three kids with me, it's hard to find the time to do anything such as clean, run, much less work on my blog. I think it's going to take time to figure out my new summer schedule and by the time I figure it out, school will be starting and I will have to figure out something new since I'll have a child in kindergarten and one in preschool every other day.

I need to get motivated and I know I really need to learn to WAKE UP BEFORE THE KIDS. But it is so hard to do! I could get a lot done if I could wake up earlier. Too bad they don't wake up at 8:00 anymore, it would have been much easier!

2011-06-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

Six years ago I was in South York , PA in my apartment. I belive I was in my bed with my best friend, my maid of Honor, Ang. My bridesmaids in the next room sleeping. I was so lucky to have such great girls near me and supporting me the night before my wedding!

Rewind about 1 and a half years..

It's winter time. I'm 19 years old, and living in west York, with my parents. My brothers friend is visiting. I run/bounce down the stairs and practically fall as I open the door and enter the kitchen. I see a guy with his (ex?) girlfriend. If only I knew that guy was going to change my whole life.

June 18th we will be married for 6 years. While I know 6 years isn't much, I feel like we have gone through quite a lot. We have gotten pregnant just a few months after getting married, having Claire just a few weeks after our first anniversary. We have had a child about every other year since then. We have moved 4 times and one of those times was completely away from all family and friends, 600 miles away from the life that we knew. In those 6 years we have gone through some hard times and some really wonderful times too. I can confidently say that I love him more now then I ever have. I won't say these 6 years have all been easy but I wouldn't trade them for anything because I have learned much more then I could imagine. More about myself, more about what a family means. I am not the same person as I was before, and that is a good thing.

I couldn't have picked a more opposite person from me. If you pick a trait about me, most likely Matt will be opposite. But what meshes so well is our core values, our morals, and beliefs and that is the glue that has held us together and kept our bond stronger then ever. Without him I would be less, I wouldn't have been pushed, I wouldn't have learned. I truly believe that we are perfect for each other. We teach each other and learn from each other all the time.

I often think of that wintery day when I opened the door and saw him for the first time.

Claire-isms

2011-03-28T12:14:00.000-07:00

Here are just a few Claire-isms. I'll have to write more as I get them she makes me laugh! :

"Is she real?" (talking about Selena Gomez) "Does she live on the TV or on Earth?"

Me: I'm going to go and make myself look all pretty (I was getting ready to go out)
Claire: Yeah, you don't look too pretty.. but you look great for summer camp

"Every girl in the world is pretty. And every boy is pretty .. I mean every boy is cool"

"Mom, I'm going to marry Noah, because I love him"

Leprechauns Don't Visit Us

2011-03-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Claire was telling us all about Leprechauns: they are as big as your thumb, did ya know? I was told that about 45 times. Also, if you don't put your toys away, they will play with them at night and if you don't do your dishes, they will do them (sounds like a good deal to me!) they make food for you and leave coins around you house. Her friend Hailey got a few coins and she gave one to Claire. Claire seemed a little sad that the Leprechaun didn't seem to come to our house. Really? we need to do another thing that involves tricking our kids into believing in something that isn't real? I have no problem if parents want to do this but I really have a hard time doing it, myself. Call me lazy, call me cynical, call me anything you want, and maybe you're right.. but I still hate it.. how about just enjoying the day without having to be sneaky about it? I hate the whole Santa thing, I don't tell Claire he's real but I don't tell her he isn't real either, I think she'll figure it out on her own. and if she asks me, I will give her an honest answer. It just stresses me out to think someday I may have to tell her it's all fake.. She knows the real meaning, and that is what am most concerned about. I know I'll have the same problem with the Easter Bunny. It annoys me to keep up this pretend thing. But the Leprechaun? no. we are just not doing that. Maybe if we were Irish, but we aren't. She was talking about her friends and how the leprechaun visited her. Matt then blatantly says out loud, "You know, Hailey is probably Irish, that is why the Leprechaun visits her. he doesn't visit you, you're Dutch." way to be graceful about it Matt! So I try to intervene with..."but you get to celebrate St Nicolas day, and other kids probably don't get to celebrate that!" She was a bit upset by this..but then she decided that she still believes in the Leprechaun afterall and I'm happy to say we didn't damage her too much after this conversation...that's the great thing about kids.. they are going to believe what they want to believe no matter what you tell them. If they want to believe, they will.

What I'm dreaming about...

2011-03-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

     As we are getting closer to moving into our home (getting our furniture and things on Saturday!!) I am dreaming of making a whole now look in our house and slowly changing the decor to something that I find is more 'me'. I want to decorate it with the things that make me happy. This will be a long, slow process because I do not have a lot of money to just throw into things. And even if I did, I couldn't do that!   I'm happy to use a few things that I already own and love but has no idea what to do with. It makes me so happy to know I can bring my beloved things back to life. So what am I thinking about that is making me so darn happy you ask?
well hold on, I'll tell ya!

   My old steamer trunk that Matt got for me for only $20 at a antique shop while he was on a business trip in New York. I really had no place to put it, our house was oddly shaped and did not allow much furniture so the poor thing was just stuck against a wall, getting no love. It became a place to put junk. It is dated to late 1800s to early 1900s. I would love to fix it up (if I had any idea how to) and keep it around and let it grow old with us. First step is to get rid of that god-awful smell inside!

   Here is a picture of me (that Claire took), with the trunk in the background being abused and used as a place to put purses, laundry and random junk in general (so embarrassing- I can't believe I am even posting a picture of the mess)- poor lil guy! I'm so sorry, I will take better care of you, I promise!:

The second thing I am dreaming of is my salt and pepper shakers that I previously talked about

The third thing I am dreaming about is this chair:

    And don't you dare say it's ugly because it isn't- I love it and I can't stop dreaming about it. Unfortunately, in all our cheapness, it just costs a bit too much for us, especially when there are other things that we actually need (say, a dining table!) so you better believe that I am saving up a little money at a time for it. I will have this chair!

   So that is what I have been dreaming and smiling about these days!

   Tomorrow the movers will be here and we will enter pure chaos, I'm sure. I will be sure to take plenty of pictures! I am positive it will be quite a sight to see- thousands of boxes in our tiny house and the kids climbing and jumping off of each one. Wish us luck tomorrow and I wish everyone a great day!

Salt and pepper shakers

2011-03-04T11:45:00.000-08:00

A about two years ago years ago while at Morning Star, (a flea market) I spotting a pair of salt and pepper shakers. They seemed old and not in very great shape. They were quite useless as salt/pepper shakers, seeing as how they were only about 2 inches tall. It was a little Dutch boy and a little Dutch girl. Looking back now, I wonder if they really are Dutch.. maybe German? Now that I have the Dutch last name and my kids have dutch blood in them, I feel a closeness with Dutch things and quite honestly, I'm a tad jealous that I am not Dutch! So in my Dutch-envy, I just assumed these little figures were Dutch.. and I will continue to think that no matter if it's true or not because it makes me happy!.. Now back to the point of the story.. I found these lovely little things and stopped and admired them for a while and then went on my way. I kept thinking about them. I came back and looked at them again. They were $8 I believe. not expensive- certainly something I could afford but still a little much for something broken down and old. And really.. what am I going to do with them and why do I even like them in the first place?? So I walked away again. Later on, I just got to the point where I couldn't take it any more, I just needed to buy them and I had no idea why. I just loved them, even they they were old, ugly and served no purpose- they needed to be mine! So I bought them. And I was thrilled with myself for doing so. I get home and found that I had no place to put them. They didn't match my decor and they are just so small. I put them on the mantle only to get swallowed by the busyness of the junk mail, keys and what not on the mantle. I put them away at Christmas and then forgot to put them back up. Now I know they are packed in one of my boxes.. and the movers are driving them through a few states and back to mommy! I miss these little guys and I honestly can not stop thinking about them- I know it's crazy, and stupid but it's true! I hope to God I find them and they aren't broken. I am planning in my head a special little spot for them so they can get the attention they deserve..

Oh Happy Day

2011-03-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

  I am pleased to announce that my happiness has just gone up a few points these days.

    As I drive back to our apartments after just visiting our new house we are now renting (and waiting for our furniture and other belongings to arrive), I can't seem to stop smiling. I realize that this was it, this was the answer. At risk of possibly sounding materialistic, I have to say, having a house as opposed to an apartment makes me happy and I think it will improve my quality of life.
    Earlier this morning, after dropping Claire off at school, Emily, Noah and I stopped by the house so I could clean it. As I scrub the walls, I glance out the sliding glass door and notice Emily happily playing outside, with the sunlight streaming on her and a cool, feel-good breeze on her. This is what a kid is supposed to be doing! Not stuck in some apartment all day. They need to experience the elements, get dirty and play hard! It's a fairly warm day today, about 65 degrees and sunny, perfect weather for a stroll through our new neighborhood and some exploring! I strap the kids in the stroller and venture out. I see a sidewalk; just one sidewalk that seems to lead somewhere, so I figured we might as well see where it takes us. We pass a calm, serene pond with two houses overlooking it, we go up a slight hill, (rendering me out of breathe due to the heavy double stroller and two children in it- what a nice workout!) as I follow the curves of the side walk, I start to see a blue roof and I know right away that it is the elementary school that Claire will be going to this fall (did I really say that? My baby is going to Kindergarten!?) I start imagining cool, fall afternoons of walking to the school to pick Claire up, having her skip beside me, excitedly talking about her day. I'm no fool though, I know it will most likely end up with a tired Claire, complaining about having to walk so much and me forgetting my baby carrier for Noah, so I will some how manage holding her and pushing a double stroller while everyone is tired, hungry and crying.. but I can dream, right?

    We get back to the apartments after picking Claire up from school, I unbuckled some cranky kids and got them to walk up the stairs, all while hearing them complain about how they are too tired to go up the stairs. We finally get to the door and I realize I left my keys in the (unlocked, thankfully) car so down the stairs I go, while listening to Emily screaming because she is just that grumpy and needs to let us all know; probably bothering all of our neighbors. I can not get out of here soon enough! Thank you God for helping us find this new house. I really liked the other house and I thought that was the one for us. We almost got it but this house came in at the last minute and won us over (seeing as how it allowed us to keep our dear kitty) I am realizing how this house is a better fit for us. Yes, it is a great deal smaller (less to clean!) but I love that there is a fenced yard for the kids to play all day in. I love that the driveway goes right up to the door of the house- so much easier for loading and unloading kids, groceries etc. I love that it is all on one floor, which greatly improves my likelihood of putting laundry away when done washing and folding it (stairs are so discouraging!) I love that there is a grocery store about 1 minute away from us, and a huge thrift store within walking distance. Now having the school within walking distance as well (but not too close) is another thing to add on my list.

    This love I have for our new place and it's neighborhood will slowly diminish slightly as the months go by, I'm sure of it. The excitement will wear off. The one thing I know is that this house is the best thing for us at the moment and I really can't imagine it being any worse the stuck up 3 flights of stairs, with 3 small kids and no yard!

(not so) Worldless Wednesday

2011-02-23T09:47:00.000-08:00

Emmy kissing Ollie while saying, "You can go to our new house!"

loving our bilibos

A few randoms...

2011-02-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

Noah is getting another tooth!

The whole family is sick but Claire is feeling the worst. Illness spreads through our house like wildfire :(

I think I may start Muffin Tin Mondays for lunch.. but knowing my track record with Wordless Wednesday, I wouldn't expect too much if I were you ;)

It's 70 degrees right now and I haven't even stepped foot out of these apartment doors to enjoy it :(

I'm waiting around all day, waiting to hear if we can get the house we want to rent- get me out of these blasted apartments!

Every time I see the lady who lives below us, she is "on her cell phone" and avoids eye contact (for those that don't know, I had a cops visit my house in the afternoon because I guess my kids were making too much noise.. I'm a little bitter that no one talked to me first.)

I can not wait for my brothers wedding! Not looking forward to another 10-12 hr drive to PA but the wedding will be great!! It'll be so much fun to be a bridesmaid and to see my girls as flower girls but most importantly, to see my brother marry such a great, lovely person. (I LOVE weddings!!)

I'm still not quite sure what we are to do with kitty when we move :(

Mr T and Lola (the bearded dragons) are becoming great friends!

While I was on the phone with Matt, Emily kept asking to talk to him. I handed over the phone and she rambled on about a picture she was drawling. She then suddenly stopped talking and handed the phone back to me. It's so great to see her talk so much now! She's come a long way, I was starting to get worried about her!

We bought adult sized crickets for Mr T and they are always chriping! I close my eyes and imagine a breezy, warm summer night along with the chriping and it makes me smile.

.. and a few random pictures to go with the random thoughts:

Sick girl still gives a princess smile for the camera

Emmy and her B

Mr T (and Lola in the background)

The pile of laundry that accumulates when the whole family gets sick : /

Claire drew this and didn't have anything to copy from- I was impressed

Watermelon Seeds

2011-02-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”
-C.S. Lewis

I have a confession..

A long time ago when Claire was 3 months old and I was a clueless mommy, I ventured on to the computer to find some answers to my many baby questions floating in my head. Well I stumbled across a website that was all about babies, kids, and moms. I soon discovered what was called a "birth board". Here there were moms that had kids born the same month as Claire! Everyone clueless, stressed, sleep deprived and most importantly, madly in love!

Not having any friends with babies at the time, I was so relived to find this group! There we shared our worries, (and there were quite a lot, seeing as how many of us were first time moms) our baby's milestones and other things that really only a mother could care and get excited over. Here we took pictures of our kids and posted them ALL. THE. TIME. And it was ok! We all poured and gushed over each beautiful picture of each gorgeous child. No need to feel like you are boring people with your baby stories and baby pictures here.

Oh and there was drama here, yes the drama! When there is a group of hormonal women, there is bound to be drama but slowly over the months and over the years, women came and went but a sturdy handful of us stayed and got to know each other better and tie tighter bonds

Along with this birth group there were sub group, with babies that were born in a certain week. This is were I met my Watermelon Seeds. What a fantastic group of ladies they are! Always uplifting, supportive. Great advice givers and always a friend, even when you feel alone. I honestly can not imagne life without my Watermelon Seed, my girls, my friends! Years has come and gone. Our babies will be five this summer and if anything we are now closer then we ever were. There are a few Watermelon Siblings here now, and some on the way! We can share on those frustration and joys now as well! Some day we will meet and that will be one fun day! I can not wait to see these dear friends that have been there for me through these years. From Africa, to Texas to Massachusetts.. it's not easy to plan a meeting but it will be done and when we do get together, then watch out world!! :)
So here's to my Watermelon Seeds!

A Year Ago Today..

2011-02-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

A year ago today I was pregnant.

A year ago I couldn't even fit into maternity clothes.

A year ago I was in so much pain, I could barely walk at times. My back and hips were throbbing.

A year ago I was looking forward to my Ob/GYN appointment on Feburary 12th like a child looks forward to Christmas morning. I was ready to get membranes stripped and hopefully bring on labor!

A year ago I was worried about my blood platelets and possibly needing to get induced.

A year ago I was determined to go to the hospital early enough to get an epidural (if my platelets allowed)

A year ago I was I was scared and had many questions.. Will he be healthy? Was he going to to cry a the time? Will he be a happy baby? Was he going to sleep through the night easily? Will I be able to handle 3 kids, 3yrs and under? Will we make it through financially? Will my girls handle this addition well? (Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, yes)

A year ago I still had no clue what his name will be because Matt and I couldn't agree on one. (Top 3 names: Noah, Owen and Evan- Matt made the decision by texting a picture of Noah to our friends/family shortly after I gave birth stating time and weight and his name and he showed it to me I couldn't have been more happy!)

A year ago I was mentally preparing myself to possibly have a home birth just in case if I went into labor during the blizzard (and I was actually kind of excited over the idea!)

A year ago I was arming myself with information about breastfeeding, determined to do it for a year or longer and I couldn't wait to do it this time.

A year ago today I dreamt of just holding my little baby boy in my arms and just staring at him, just us two alone in the hospital, enjoying nothing else but each other.

I can't believe a year is almost here. It's gone way too quickly. Noah has done something to me inside. He has changed me and my ways of parenting (for better or worse, I'm not sure and I don't even really care) he has softened me, and making me more sure of myself and not so concerned about doing everything just right. I have learned to enjoy it and not worry about about all the little things that I used to worry about.. I'll get my sleep someday. I'll have my "freedom" some day, I'll take this time holding onto my baby for as long as I can. I couldn't imagine my life without this little guy in it.

The Struggle

2011-01-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

Every morning I am in a constant hurry to get everyone dressed, out of the door, down the stairs and in the car. Of course my kids have different plans. Especially Emily. What a tough cookie that girl is! I'm learning to work with her, not hurry her so much. This is hard for me because I am at the point where I want everyone to just go and do what I ask of them!! But it takes time. I've studied her a little bit and learn from her and I am learning that she just doesn't transition well into new activities, new surrounding, new textures. She needs time think it over, consider it and slowly take it on. All this time I just though she was trying to be difficult (and don't get me wrong- sometimes she is!) but I really think this is something she struggles with. As it turns out, I lack patience and so this can be quite a challenge for me. I decided to make changes in our house and in our life and with the way I deal with my kids in order to make things as peaceful as I can, yet still have me in charge!
So now no TV when we need to get out of the house in the morning- because turning it off is just one more thing to transition to. We are dropping Claire off at preschool in PJ's (or at least PJ bottoms).. because really is it worth the fight first thing in the morning? I need to explain 20 minutes ahead of time that she will be getting a coat on and then letting her pick out the one she wants to put on. Get shoes on while she is eating- what a distraction that seems to be! Allowing her to bring a comfort item to the car helps the transition out of the house and to the car. All this and give ourselves PLENTY of time. At first I didn't want to have to take my time with her because she is my child.. I am the parent and when I say "do this" she should do it, and do it quickly. There are times when I need to give a stern talking to, a time out or even a spanking (oh yes, I said it- spanking!) But I am quickly learning that I am her parent, I need to lovingly guide her more then I do. I need to pick my battles. Is it really worth the tears and yelling (both hers and mine) and the feeling of defeat- even when what you wanted done is done, you still don't feel good about it because it wasn't done in a manner you are happy about. Is it really worth the battle? No, I'm realizing it just isn't.. I have three kids and I am still trying to figure out what kind of parent I am and want to be. I still haven't gotten it down yet. I feel like I should be a pro at it by now, but truth is, I don't think I ever will be.

Hot Cocoa and Snow Days

2011-01-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

It would be laughable to say today is a peaceful, calm day. It's a snow day, there is something in the the air on snow days. I believe hot chocolate and toast go hand in hand on snow days. They just arn't the same without it. I poured the girls a half a mug of the stuff. Claire is only drinking it because she knows it's a special treat, but I can tell she doesn't really care for it.. (and chocolate often makes her feel sick.) but she can't deny something as fun as hot cocoa in a grown up mug! And then we have Emily asking for seconds. This is much better, everyone is happy and it gives me a warm, happy, familiar feeling that I love and happily welcome. Cheers!

good til the last drop

A messy mug shows how much Emily enjoyed her drink

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-08T12:22:00.000-08:00

Wordless Wednesday- 12/8/10

http://www.wordlesswednesday.com/

St. Nicholas Day

2010-12-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

Last night we got the kids all dressed up in their Christmas PJ's and attempted pictures (Take Two tonight, it didn't go so well last night)

Then we set out their stockings in their rooms for them to be filled with goodies.
This is a tradition new to me that Matt's side of the family has followed, due to their Dutch heritage I'm sure. I love traditions and feel they are very special to keep up. Also I feel a bit bad that I am slowly thinning out out the dutch blood in the family ;)

Emily really didn't know or understand it. But Claire was very interested in the story. She is a bit confused as to who fills the stockings.. is it St. Nick, Santa or mom and dad? Nevertheless, she is excited to get her stocking filled. After I told her the story of St Nicholas and how he was so kind, she told me that she wants to give him a present because he is just so nice. How sweet.

This morning Claire and Emily woke to find their stockings filled. They played with their toys and Noah's too. Then we had to rush to get dressed and drop Claire off at school! A hectic morning, but still very fun.

This is a tradition I am glad to be a part of, and I hope some day our kids continue it with their kids as well.

More on St. Nicholas Day:
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=102

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T06:41:00.000-08:00

This year I made my first real Thanksgiving meal myself.. AHHH! It actually turned out pretty well and I timed everything perfectly to finish at the same time (that's the hardest part for me!) It was a bit stressful because everyone including me is still sick. The kids are getting better but they are irritable and just not themselves still. It was a little rough but we somehow survived. Now today things are slowly starting to look a little brighter (and I think we are starting to feel better). I think the best part of our Thanksgiving meal was having Claire get excited and dress up, put flowers at the table and set the table. She was really into it, and that made me feel good. That worse part for me was afterwards when we had nothing to do. I am used to piling into another room with family and drinking coffee and talking, and it's just not the same. We will have to find a new thing to do, a new tradition. This year we were all under the weather so I'll let it slip, but next year we'll make more out of the day.

We made Thankful leaves and I read them out loud to everyone.. here are a few things Claire was Thankful for this year:
-Jesus making the whole town
-Thankful for Noah
-The card Lilly made her
-Mommy giving her a Carebear picture

Claire dressed for Thanksgiving dinner

I had to take a picture of them getting along. Claire was reading Emily a book

Emily chose not to sit at the table

So she was to stay in her room til she was ready to join us

Noah dived right in!

...literally

Emily realizes it's more fun to be with family then alone in a room

Claire fixing her floral centerpiece

Things I'm Learning About the South

2010-11-12T09:02:00.000-08:00

I often find myself thinking about how different things are down here. I didn't even realize it at first but I seem to be making a mental list; slowly adding a new thing every few days. I think this is good for me, in a strange way. It helps me to enjoy and embrace the difference, for these things are always something good or quirky (and I like quirky) I always get bored with the 'same ole, same ole' and so this small, yet slowly growing list helps me see the good in the new life I am now living.

1. The 4 way stop signs are "all way" stop signs

2. Shopping carts are buggies

3. If someone starts the conversation off as "I've lived here all my life" I know right off the bat that I will be saying "what?" and "huh?" quite a few times in our conversation. (thick accents are so hard to understand!)

4. You will be invited to a lot of churches by a lot of people, most are Baptist.

5. Not everyone will greet you and be friendly but those that are, will be very warm and welcoming and you won't forget them.

6. Bread seems to get moldy quicker here (I guess this isn't a positive thing, but it is something that I noticed)

7. The fall is warmer!! :)

I'm going to slowly add to this list as i learn new things..

Nap Time Talk

2010-11-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

Everyone is sleeping!!

The girls loved sorting out and playing with money money today- it kept them busy while I did a few things around the hosue. They have their own piggy banks but we left them at our house in PA so I decided to make them new ones. I just got a peanut container and bread crumbs container and cut a slit on the lid. I think later today or tomorrow we will break out the feathers and glue and have some fun with it.

We had an Open House yesterday at our home in PA, not much is going on with it but we are still hopeful. I am grateful for this time in our apartment though. It's really allowing us to figure out where we want to live when it does come time to buy a house. Also it helps us to save some extra money since ITT is paying for our rent and ulities here. Of course we still have to make our monthly house payments but not much else. So this is good for us to be here for awhile. I just have to look on the bright side, right?

I have all of Claire's paper work ready and hope she can get in and get her vaccinations so she can start school ASAP. Also want to check out a rec center nearby that apparently has a playground in it. I finally found a play group nearby and once Claire starts school, I want to start going. I am getting more brave about taking kids out all at once, I guess I just have no choice. Also it's killing me but I have to be a grown up and make phone calls and other things like that. I usually try to avoid those type of things or make Matt do it. Again, I just have no choice. I guess I am starting to be a grown up now whether or not I want to ! :)

A Day in Greenville

2010-11-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

..Well not actually a whole day spent in Greenville, but oh well, you get the point! Today we wanted to try a little bit of the city life. When I want little bit of home, I willtravel about 30 minutes to Anderson. Clemson is 10 minutes away and a small college town. Still not much around but it's a little more 'happening'. In Seneca, where we live, it's a lot more secluded. Greenville is a near by city. It's a small city but it's nice. It seems well kept and pretty. I'm not a fan of cities and I doubt I will be driving there by myself much but it's where you go if you want in on a little more action and fun. We hope to visit the Greenville Zoo soon.
Here is a link you can go to if you are intrested in seeing more of the downtown Greenville area: http://www.thebestkeptsecretofthesouth.com/greenvilleSCphotos.html

The kids missed their nap besides the small cat nap all three kids took while driving there. It was a nice time just driving and talking to Matt awhile our kids slept. Soon enough, they all woke and it was time to explore. The kids were full of energy as usual and it took a lot of effort to keep them near us and from running off full speed. They really enjoyed the Falls Park, it was beautiful and is really neat to see something like that in the middle of the city! I'm looking forward to seeing the area in the spring.

Now the family is home, the girls are in bed. Matt and I are watching football- the Packers are in the lead against Dallas. Noah just woke up to eat and Matt has him out to watch the game with him even though he should be put back to bed. Oh well.

Good night, everyone!

Wordless Wednesday (on a Thursday- Oops!)

2010-11-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

Forgot to post my "Wordless Wednesday" picture yesterday!

http://www.wordlesswednesday.com/newhome/

Can you guess what I was making ??

(my wordless wednesdays are not very wordless)

Thursday's chit-chat

2010-10-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

I will start off saying that i will have to go out and buy some more Halloween candy for the trick-or-treaters because by the time I am done writing this, ours will be all gone :)

Today is our first full day back since we came back from PA again. This is the real deal, because I don't have that thought of 'Oh I'll see everyone in two weeks when we come back to York' in the back of my head.
The kids have helped me cope today by being very well behaved. I even ventured out to walmart with all three of them! Of course I only managed to get half the things on my list but I truly felt as though I was on top of the world! We celebrated with popsicles once we got home :)

It must be obvious that I am in a better mood and feel more in control because Claire came up to me and told me that I was being a such a sweet girl and so she will give me a hug. Nothing like a good pat on the back form your 4 year old!
Also today I witnessed something jaw-dropping: Claire was holding her little star gem (she received from a fairy at the fairy festival months ago- a truly treasured item) and gave it to Emily and told her that she can hold it for a little while. Emily didn't even ask for it. I was very impressed. I think it's official that the "devil Child" title has gone from Claire.. and now I belive it is showing it's self to Emily..

Tonight I am going grocery shopping (on my own) I have yet to do a full grocery shopping trip. Our fridge and pantry is pretty bare, and it is needed. I am looking forward to it but not to hiking up the 3 flights of stairs with a family of 5's worth of groceries! Luckily I have a big, strong and helpful husband ! :)

This week I hope to..
-get things started some so Claire can get into preschool
-look for a pediatrician for the kids. Noah is soon due for a check up.
-get South Carolina plates on our cars

Not a lot of things to do but it seems like a lot to me!

Claire the helper

2010-10-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's so sweet to see Claire step in and help Emily. They fight terribly and often. At the same time I also am seeing her express her love for Emily now more then ever. Her social skills really seem to be developing much more these days and I see her really learning how to express her feelings better. I know that she loves Emily so much but sometimes she just can't her herself.. Tonight I caught Claire getting Emily's toothbrush ready and a cup of water for her in the bathroom before bed. It was sweet seeing her take care of her little sister! Just needed to share that before I head off to bed!

It's Been A Week

2010-10-17T20:41:00.000-07:00

We have been here for a week now. In some ways this week was so incredibly long but in other ways, it really flew by.

We are looking at preschools for Claire and have visited one and plan on visiting another one this coming week. This preschool right next to the Clemson campus, and even more exciting, the Mellow Mushroom izza place! That prechool looks promising to us but I guess we'll just have to see!

We have visited the Greenville Mall and Anderson Mall, I really like the Anderson area, about 20 minutes from Clemson. Speaking of Clemson, I just love the school spirit around here! We hope to take the kids to a football game here sometime soon, I think they may like it, even if we can't see the whole game.

We have gone to the Walhalla Oktoberfest on Saturday just to get out a bit. On Sunday, We went to a church called Foothills Community Church. The kids loved it, Matt and I liked it but not too sure, we want to check it out a few more times. We just really enjoy Pastor Steve's way of preaching at Living Word and it's hard to compare. But the message at Foothills was good, and we visited on a really good day and really got a chance to see what this church was really about. I feel confident that it is a good church, I just miss my old one.

It baffles me at how well Claire is accepting this move she is already calling PA our "old home" and this place our home.. I can't even do that yet! I'm so glad for that. the girl are fighting so much more now but every once in awhile I'll see them kissing or hugging (followed by a push/shove!) So it's good to know at least the love is there.

I love that there are so many parks hiking trails and waterfalls around here. They are everywhere. We just checked out one briefly today. We were in the Appalachians at blue ridge trails, only about 20 minutes away. The girls loved it and I think we will do that stuff more often.

So far this week we have had nothing but sunny skies and warmth. The nights are getting colder though. And the sun seems much hotter here.

Over all it's been a good first week. I am stressed but mainly because the kids are not getting along well and I don't know where to take them to keep them occupied. Everyone is lacking sleep and are so cranky. Since I am busy with Claire and Noah, it can be hard to teach Emily the simple lessons that I have taught Claire at 2 years old (terrible twos). I am looking forward to Claire going to preschool so I can spend time with Emily and Noah and even just make sure I can practice with Emily in stores and teach her appropriate behaviors.

This post was rushed, I hope it made sense. I just wanted to do a quick update about our first week before I went to bed!

Getting adjusted...

2010-10-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm laying in bed right now, just finished a small nap and Claire is napping beside me. The kids are so tired and grumpy all the time yet somehow can't seem to sleep! How does that work? This morning Claire told me I looked tired and why wasn't I sleeping? Funny child.

Matt is going to work for a half day so I need to find something to do with the kids today. I hope we survive!

I'm on my iPod right now, I think I will sneak out of the room and hopefully not wake Claire and finish writing on the computer

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

I'm starting Wordless Wednesday where I post a picture without explaination every Wednesday!
Here's today's photo:

http://www.5minutesformom.com/28172/wordless-wednesday-little-pumpkin/

Sibling Togetherness

2010-09-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

I am really trying to promote a healthy sibling relationship between Claire and Emily but it's just so hard! They have skipped the bickering, teasing part and go straight for the kill: hitting, biting, pushing and kicking. It's so hard to watch two kids that you would do anything for cause that kind of harm on each other. Not to mention it's exhausting physically and mentally to keep up with them, keep tabs on them and make sure I am not missing a beat and everyone gets the love, attention and discipline they need.

In my desperation I have searched for some tips. I came across some good tips from the Dr. Sears website that I thought I would share (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T064200.asp)

Now I just need this all to magically work!

Parents of more then one children; feel free to leave me some perals of wisdom of how you keep the peace and togetherness with your kids, I'd love to hear about it

"6. Raise sensitive sibs. It's hard to hate and hit a person you care about and who cares about you. I don't believe siblings are born adversaries, certainly not unless parents permit it. You can nurture patterns of life-long friendship among your children by helping them find constructive ways to be sensitive to each other. Learning to live with a sib is a child's first lesson in getting along with other children. Early in our parenting career, we realized that the parent's role in promoting sibling harmony is as a facilitator, one who doesn't do things directly for the children, but rather sets conditions that foster a compatible relationship between them. Your job is not to control how siblings relate, but rather to shape these relationships. Here are the sibling relationships we tried to facilitate:

1.Sib in charge. If your children are several years apart, give the older child some supervised responsibility for the younger one. This will motivate the older brother or sister to care, and the younger sib will sense this. Even a toddler can gently hold and pat the tiny baby under supervision.

2. Sib as comforter. When one child was hurt, we would ask one of our other children to help attend to the injury. We would give our assistant a job title: "Dr. Erin, you hold Matthew's leg while I wrap it" or "Please put the bandage on Lauren's cut." The "doctor" would most likely muster up compassion for the "patient." It's hard to hate the hand that comforts you.

3. Sib as minister. In our family, if one child was either physically or emotionally hurt, the others were encouraged to offer comfort to ease the pain. We called this practice "laying on of hands." The sib under pressure (whether it be an upcoming test, or an emotional or physical hurt) would sit in the middle of the group while the rest of us would place a hand on him and pray for his comfort in a calming way. When our seventh child, Stephen, was born, we saw very little sibling rivalry between the rest of the children. Because Stephen was born with Down Syndrome, our children soon learned – because they were taught – that Stephen had special needs and he needed a special kind of brotherly and sisterly love.

4. Sib as teacher. Encourage your child to teach a skill he is proficient at to his sibling. For example, we got our son Matthew, an avid baseball player, to show his brother Stephen how to hit and catch a ball. And now, years later, Stephen can play ball well with typical boys his age.

5. Sibs as co-workers. Assign children tasks that require cooperation and motivate them to work together: "Matthew, would you and Erin please clean up the garage? If you two hurry, we can finish soon enough to catch an afternoon movie!" If the siblings are born with clashing personalities, the adult monitor should keep a "bossy-submissive" relationship from developing.

6. Sibs as co-sleepers. Parents in our practice have told us that children who sleep together at night usually play more peacefully together during the day. That has also been our experience.

7. Sib as entertainer. If you have a born clown, capitalize on that asset and encourage the clown to entertain the other sibling, such as the older child humoring the toddler while you get something done. "

"7. Set limits. Sometimes you're too tired to play amateur psychologist and you just want to click into your police mode. Do it and don't worry about permanently damaging your child's psyche. Give clear messages about how you expect your kids to behave toward one another before arguments become a way of life. Offer calm verbal reminders: "That's a put-down," as one sib belittles the other. Or, issue a look that says "don't even think about it!" Head off fights at the first squabble, before they get out of hand. Be watchful for aggressor- victim roles. Your job is to protect your children, even from one another. How siblings behave toward one another is their first social lesson in how to behave in a group. In our family, we have set certain "maximum allowable limits", which are behaviors that we insist upon to like living with our children, and the children are taught to respect these. When bickering and toy squabbles have reached intolerable decibels, Martha simply announces, "That's disturbing my peace." The children have learned – because they have been taught – that this means the limits have been reached and more socially-acceptable behavior must follow. "

"11. Promote empathy. Disciplining siblings is giving them the tools to succeed in life, and one of the most important tools that has life-long social implications is the quality of empathy. This is another way of stating the Golden Rule – "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Help your children learn how to get behind the eyes of another person and think first how their behavior is going to affect that other person. We want our children to think through what they're about to do. A lack of empathy is the hallmark of sociopathic relationships between adult siblings. "

13. Ignore smallies; address biggies. For smallies, such as toy squabbles, teach children to handle it themselves. Simply state the consequences and what you expect, "I'll be back in one minute. If you kids haven't learned how to share the toy or work it out, the toy goes in the garage." You can either time-out the toy or time-out the kids. You're giving them two messages: you expect them to be able to work it out themselves, but you're giving them the unequivocal consequences that if they don't, you will. Children expect parental guidance, as if wanting adults to protect them from being like, well, kids. Biggies are put-downs, or one child victimizing the other. In these situations, children need you to monitor put-downs. If you don't, you're not doing your job. By remaining silent, the victim concludes you're siding with the victimizer. Some sibling squabbles seem to be a right of passage. Children practice on each other, especially when they're bored. They feel, "We need some action here. Let's stir things up." This can lead to the older child goading the younger one, though oftentimes the younger sib becomes the pest and instigator, as if child number two has to try just a little harder.

"14. Children do not have to be treated equally. While children are created equally, it's impossible to treat them that way all the time. It took us several children to discover this fact of large family life. In their desire to prevent sibling squabbles, parents strive to do everything the same way for all their children, whether it's buying pajamas or selecting a college. Children aren't the same; you don't need to behave as if they were. Make moment-by-moment decisions and don't worry about the long-term consequences if you give one child more strokes than the other one day. Shoot for a balanced week, not a balanced day. "Why did Hayden get a new pair of shoes and I didn't?" quibbled Erin. "Because hers were worn out and you got a new pair of shoes last month." Yet, we didn't let Hayden flaunt her prize in front of Erin. Children want to be treated individually, not equally.

Yet, children have an innate sense of fairness, or what they perceive as being fair. Some children are born scorekeepers. If you try to join the game, it will drive you nuts. One evening at dinner two of our score- keeping children counted the number of peas they had been served to be sure they got an equal number. After that, we let them serve themselves. If they wanted to go through this ridiculous exercise, that was their choice, but we weren't going to join in this draining game. If a treat needs to be divided, we let one child divide the treat, while the other one gets first choice. As much as you can, try to divide chores equally among children according to their ages and capabilities, yet don't beat yourself up trying to be 100 percent fair. You can't be.

Emily and Claire having fun and working together, doing chores

One Of Those Days

2010-09-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah, It was a tough one today!
The day started off with both girls going into time-out for fighting nonstop. and I mean FIGHTING. The day ended with Claire coming downstairs saying "mom, I put a hole in the wall" She was trying to throw a book at Emily and (thank God) missed- Emily was throwing things on the bed while Claire was trying to sleep (or so I was told) and Claire felt she had to put a stop to Emily's behavior

I am sitting here just about ready to pass out but I know I will be up tonight , desperate to get some 'me' time, no matter how tired I am.

Tomorrow I hope to make it a better day. Claire and I will go through her allowance money and she will give some of it to Matt to help pay to fix the hole in the wall. She's not too happy about. She told me that she hopes all her teeth fall out so the tooth fairy will give her more money. Maybe she's too young to really get it but I told her that when I break things then I have to pay to fix them; so when she breaks things, she will have to pay as well. I never feel very sure about what I'm doing as far as discipline but I guess at least I am doing something, right?

I am feeling a bit worn out lately, I have so much looming over my head and yet can not seem to get motivated to do it all. Overwhelmed. When I feel overwhelmed I pretty much shut down but shutting down is not ideal when you have 3 young kiddos.

I'm determined to give tomorrow a better start. I hope I can do it.

so much randomness stuffed in a post

2010-09-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I heard yelling and screaming from the girl's room at about 6:45am. Then I heard Noah crying at about 7:00 (because of the yelling/screeching) I am just not a morning person. I am the most miserable and unmotivated person in the mornings and screeching children doesn't help!
.
The girls quiet down and then Noah quiets so I sneak just a few more minutes of rest in. It's so hard to get out of bed!

I'm just not sure how to go about the girls sharing a room. In some ways it has helped their relationship I believe. Claire isn't so possessive about her room now and is getting a little better with "her" toys as well. I see her hugging Emily more and reading her stories. Even so, sharing a room is not a magical cure for sisterly battles, that is one thing I am sure of! I wonder, does anyone else seem to have so much trouble with their kids sharing a room? I know others did it all the time (maybe not as much now a days?) Did their kids stay up all night screaming, yelling , fighting and giggling too? Did they also wake up at an ungodly hour in the morning and act tired and grumpy all day due to sleep deprivation? How strict should I be about this issue? I don't know if it's a battle I want to fight or not. I think (hope) it will solve it's self with time. It's only been a few weeks- this HAS to get better soon. It has to.

Noah isn't doing so great in the sleep department either, waking up at night. I never had this problem with the girls. Could it be because they were formula fed, I wonder. I will admit that I baby this little guy. He IS a baby though, so that's not too terrible, I guess.

On another note, Matt and I went for a run today . I am feeling pretty good. I really love my 'Couch 2 5K' app on my iPod! it really makes the idea of running a 5K seem possible. Matt signed up for the Warrior Dash- it looks like a TON of fun so I may sign up too so I can stay motivated. I'll admit though, part of me just really wants one of those warrior hats :)

I actually think I could love running as much as I want to love it if i keep this up!
I won't be surprised if Claire turns out to be a little runner. she loves to run. and wants to go jogging with us. She has more stamina then I do- she puts me to shame!

Also another exciting thing today is that Matt got his official offer letter for the new job today! He had a verbal offer a week or two ago and has been waiting for what seemed like forever for the written letter. It really hit me when I read it. I think this was the first time I actually cried about moving to SC. I feel confident that this is a right decision for us but it just is starting to seem so real now. I was born here, I grew up here. This is my home. It fits my personality just right. It's going to be really hard to leave it all. and it's really going to be hard to leave my family and my friends. It's scary to imagine that I will be in a place and not know a single soul besides my husband and kids. I will have to really put myself out there but that is terrifying to me in a whole other way. But I know God will be looking out for us and I need to just keep that thought in the back of my mind. I am allowed to be sad and even upset about it at times but I will not let it get to me and consume me. There is so much for me to think about while laying in bed tonight. I have a lot of random things on my mind right now. Thanks for those who bothered to read this random post that is pretty much about nothing.

Butternut Squash

2010-09-07T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today I made butternut squash for Noah- first time I ever made that. It was so easy! It tastes like a cross between sweet potato and pumpkin.

I really am having fun making baby food for him. Not only is it way cheaper (and we are ~~cheap~~ thrifty) it feels good knowing that i just made that for him and it's as fresh as fresh can be. and it's fun! I never really did it with my other two- not often at least I thought it was too much of a hassle but with the right tools (a blender or decent size food processor that works well) and the knowledge (http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/) it's really easy.

I'm kinda strange in that I enjoy taking pictures of food- I always have! So here is how I made it:

cut butternut squash lengthwise and fill a baking dish with about 1" water, scoop out seeds

put flesh side down in dish and bake at 400 for 40 min

Ding! it's done!

let it cool

scoop out and put in blender

freeze in ice cube trays

Warm it up and it's ready to eat!

Yum!

Breaking out the sewing machine

2010-09-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm breaking out the sewing machine.. again! I'm pretty darn terrible at it., can't even sew a straight line. This totally brings me back to my 7th grade days of sewing a pillow and our "possessed" sewing machine, haha!

So anyway, I am starting out with sewing some fleece liners for Noah's cloth diapers (only when he is in the prefolds- the fleece helps keep him dry, the other diaper have fleece in them already) they look like a first grader did it, haha it's really bad.

Since I am no good and I hate to waste money on fabric, I plan on practicing with the thousands of receiving blankets I have from when Claire was a baby. I think I will start with making an apron for the girls and see how that goes.

Once I feel more confident, I'll move onto making my own diaper covers and pocket diapers!

Claire went to Home Dept with Matt. We just found out they have a kids thing the first Saturday of every month at all Home Dept. Matt said she really loved it. The project was a football stand (or a little table for girls) She received her own apron and worked with a hammer, wood and wood glue!

CUPCAKES

2010-09-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

It was a boring,hot day today where all I wanted to do waas just stay in the house, so I decided to make cupcakes with the girls. Cooking with them can be hard for me; I'll admit that I get a bit uptight about messes and doing it "just so". This time I told myself that the only way any of us will have fun is if I just let it go and have fun.

Taking turns with the mixing

This was Emily's 'smile'

Filling up the cupcakes

Emily's nose practically touching it.

This is serious work

Are they done yet?

Time for frosting!

I let them lick the spoon after frosting

Emily scooped up a huge spoonful before licking her spoon.

Time to eat!

Yum!

Emmy even licked her plate clean

Let me try this again...

2010-09-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

I am going to try and start my blog again, let's hope I am better at keeping up with it this time!

...And She's Off!

2008-11-20T11:32:00.000-08:00

this past week..

2008-10-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to potty train Claire this past week. Things are going well, i guess. I am trying not to leave the house as much as possible and so we go a little stir crazy.

Saturday we went apple picking, Claire really enjoyed doing that. I will post some pictures soon!

The Teeth Are Coming!

2008-08-28T18:44:00.000-07:00

Emmy is getting her first tooth! I just noticed a couple white dots on her bottom gum, on the left side, front tooth. I can feel a little bump. It's very early and not too noticeable and hasn't even cut through yet. I just noticed because I have been looking for it lately since this is about when Claire got her first tooth. It makes me sad to think she soon won't have a gummy grin anymore! She's getting so old- the time is flying by. I can't believe in 2 weeks she will be 6 months already!!! Half way to a year old. My gosh.

Zoo

2008-08-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

We went to the DC Zoo the other week. Claire was pretty cranky so I didn't really take any pictures of her. We didn't get a chance to see all the animals and I didn't take many pictures of them since we all know how animals look like, but here are just a few pictures that I have of the day. Hopefully we will get a chance to go there again, only earlier in the day and not so close to Claire's nap time!

2008-08-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

A slid show of pictures from Matt's company trip to Knobeles

2008-07-31T05:45:00.000-07:00

Claire Dancing

2008-07-29T23:10:00.000-07:00

A few things this week..

2008-07-29T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today, the girls and I went to Longs Park for lunch and a chance to look at the ducks and play. It was a lot of fun and I need to remember to do that more often. Claire is much better at playing on certain play grounds now and I love to watch her! It's fun (yet sad!) to imagine both the girls running around together by next year! I wish I brought my camera along today; I left it at home!

Claire is going back and forth from a toddler bed and her crib still. She does very well in her bed when she is really tired but if she is not utterly exhausted then she will keep herself awake longer by playing in her room.

In this picture, Claire is sleeping under her bed instead of in it!

Emily is starting to find her thumb and I think she is starting to favor a toy now! She cuddles it while she sleeps (I will have to take a picture of that because it is so cute to see!)

Emily sucking her thumb

..but she still prefers her nuk!

Claire still likes to eat her crayons. We have Crayola washable crayons. They are much softer and dissolve a little bit when they get wet so when she puts them in her mouth, it makes a big mess. One morning Matt let me sleep in. I woke up to this frightening sight:

Matt did that to her because she wasn't listening to him when he told her not to chew on the crayons. Don't worry, The crayon easily wiped right off. I thought it was sharpie at first, so you can imagine how I felt and the words I was about to have with Matt!

Claire went pee pee in her potty yesterday! I had her in training pants today to see if that would help her to realize to use the potty. It didn't! But she did look so adorable in her big girl training pants!

Claire in her training pants

~.~.*.~ ~.*.~ ~.*.~ .*. ~.*.~ ~.*.~ ~.*.~.~

here Claire is being a girly- girl with her bows, jewelry box and bracelet

Matt sanpped this pic of me sleeping next to Emily..it looks like I was just waking up! haha

catching up

2008-07-20T21:00:00.001-07:00

I still don't have my car! On Friday, the girls spent the night at their grandparents house. Claire at my parents and Emily at Matt's parent's house. Matt and I had a mini-vacation at my friend's cabin. We had a great time and are very thankful that our parents watched the girls for us!

This is a picture of Matt and I at the cabin. Matt's eyes are half closed- why can't we seem to get a picture where we both look decent at the same time!?

Today we visited Matt's parents and Claire got to swim in her little pool and cool off a bit. they had a great time and were exhausted by the time we got home!

here are a few random pictures from this past week:

2008-07-10T20:59:00.000-07:00

More pictures to share...

I was trying to get a shot of Emily but Claire butted her way into the picture
- what a ham!

Always a lady....
(future black mail)

Claire sharing her 'night night' (this is a rare occasion)

The girls right before they went down for a nap

Emily chewing on her hands

(like usual)

Chalk on her nose

Big Girl Bed

2008-07-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

Matt and I just put Claire in a toddler bed and it surprisingly went well!

I always joked about not doing that until she's 21! She is so active and really loves her crib so we figured it would be really hard to make the switch but it wasn't near as bad as I imagined! Maybe she was ready after all... or maybe this is just a fluke and tomorrow she will be horrible!

I think that it helps that it's still her crib just without one side so it's not unfamiliar to her. Usually when I put her to bed she has never once laid down. She is always jumping in her crib as I leave her room, so I was nervous about the whole situation but we just did the same bedtime routine and kept telling her it was her bed and she was to sleep in it. We then put her in the bed and left.

She followed us to the door but we just said goodnight, go to your bed and we shut the door. she tried to open the door 3 times (door knob cover on it) and then she turned off the fan and then grabbed her book end and brought it into bed with her. Later, I saw her spinning around while holding her blankie but then she crawled back to bed.. (we have a little window at the top of the door, so I was standing on a step stool, watching her!). She did roll out of bed, fell and started crying (we may need to pick up rails, I guess) but other then that, it was great. My only worry is since she shares a room with Emily, I don't want her to wake Emily up or climb in the crib to be Emily, (which she can do but she knows we don't like it) We'll see how tomorrow goes but I am very surprised with how it went today.

I don't even know why we did it. Matt just wanted to see how she'd react to it. I wasn't planning on doing the switch until she was closer to 3.

Next step .. potty training. But I don't see that happening anytime soon. We are just working on her not being scared of the potty right now!

Here's some pics of her first night in her big girl bed! I'm so proud of her!

Matt reading to her

Me stealing her "night night" (blankie)

She's kicking me off the bed..

GO!

2008-07-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

I just had to mention this..

Claire said to me, "go!"
I said, "where do you want me to go, Claire?"
she replies, "Go in kitchen"
"why do you want me to go in the kitchen?"
she says, " making..."
"making what??"
she answers, "making supper."

I think Matt is teaching her something..

No Car!

2008-07-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

It's been pretty slow and boring around here. I don't have my car and I won't until next Thursday, so there is only so much the girls and I can do during the day.

Every day Claire says or does something to make me realize she is getting bigger! Just today I was looking through her basket of toys and she got upset that I was in there and she looks at me and says "go away mommy!" Not that I like hearing that, but it amazes me that she is talking so much now, and stringing 3 words together so well.

Emily is trying to roll over now. She only gets as far as her side but I'm sure it'll happen soon enough.

We are still waiting to get our birthday gift for Claire we are pretty sure it'll come in this week... we ordered a play kitchen and I think I am most excited for it out of everyone! I will definitely post pictures once we get it.

Here's a few pictures and a video:( if I can figure out how to post it)

My First Post..

2008-07-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

I realized just how fast life can pass us by and how easy it is to forget everything.. I'm so happy with my family. I love being a mom and some days are hard and some days I don't want to get out of bed but to see my girls laughing and smiling at me just brings me to tears! I am truly just so blessed...

Claire's second birthday

2008-07-06T21:33:00.000-07:00

Claire turned 2 today and it was such a bittersweet feeling. She is such a big girl now! We started our day at 7:00am and by 9:00 everyone took a nap. My parents, Matt's parents and Eric stopped by in the afternoon today to have cake and ice cream and watch Claire open gifts. Claire had a great time. After her nap; Matt, the girls and I all went to a park to cook hamburgers on the grill and play at the play ground. It was such a simple but sweet day today. I feel satisfied with life, and just plain happy!