Every morning I am in a constant hurry to get everyone dressed, out of the door, down the stairs and in the car. Of course my kids have different plans. Especially Emily. What a tough cookie that girl is! I'm learning to work with her, not hurry her so much. This is hard for me because I am at the point where I want everyone to just go and do what I ask of them!! But it takes time. I've studied her a little bit and learn from her and I am learning that she just doesn't transition well into new activities, new surrounding, new textures. She needs time think it over, consider it and slowly take it on. All this time I just though she was trying to be difficult (and don't get me wrong- sometimes she is!) but I really think this is something she struggles with. As it turns out, I lack patience and so this can be quite a challenge for me. I decided to make changes in our house and in our life and with the way I deal with my kids in order to make things as peaceful as I can, yet still have me in charge!
So now no TV when we need to get out of the house in the morning- because turning it off is just one more thing to transition to. We are dropping Claire off at preschool in PJ's (or at least PJ bottoms).. because really is it worth the fight first thing in the morning? I need to explain 20 minutes ahead of time that she will be getting a coat on and then letting her pick out the one she wants to put on. Get shoes on while she is eating- what a distraction that seems to be! Allowing her to bring a comfort item to the car helps the transition out of the house and to the car. All this and give ourselves PLENTY of time. At first I didn't want to have to take my time with her because she is my child.. I am the parent and when I say "do this" she should do it, and do it quickly. There are times when I need to give a stern talking to, a time out or even a spanking (oh yes, I said it- spanking!) But I am quickly learning that I am her parent, I need to lovingly guide her more then I do. I need to pick my battles. Is it really worth the tears and yelling (both hers and mine) and the feeling of defeat- even when what you wanted done is done, you still don't feel good about it because it wasn't done in a manner you are happy about. Is it really worth the battle? No, I'm realizing it just isn't.. I have three kids and I am still trying to figure out what kind of parent I am and want to be. I still haven't gotten it down yet. I feel like I should be a pro at it by now, but truth is, I don't think I ever will be.
3 comments:
What a learning process parenting is!! One day one this is fine, like putting on a jacket, the next, well....I just pray we aren't in a public place!
I admire you Kara! It's awesome the way you adapt to each of your children!
You are a great mom! To acknowledge that you had to learn about Emily and who she is, is huge! So glad you are seeing improvement with just little changes :)
I can relate to this post on so many levels. I find myself constantly having to reinvent myself as a parent. THanks for sharing your struggles because it's nice to know that I'm not alone.
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