Monday, November 28, 2011
Dear Lord.. Why?
I have been long overdue for a good run. I thought my soul needed it more then my body. This was confirmed when I tuned in to the Praise and Worship station on Pandora and was 5 steps in and started to cry. It's funny how running can do that to me, it just brings something out in me, a sort of outlet. I keep a lot inside in day to day life and when I run, I let go of a lot of things that have been bottling up. Most times I don't even have to let it go, but it just pours out uncontrollably.
Sometimes it's so easy to feel somewhat wronged by God. You know He has a plan for you, you have other wants and plans, but it just doesn't always work out your way and it can HURT. Sometimes things seem silly or unreasonable when you say it out loud. sometimes you might not even understand why you feel the way you do- it sure would be easier if you didn't feel this way.. Sometimes you just want to ask God "WHY?" Why have you chosen this for me?
During my run I have realized that I was praying the wrong prayer. Asking for something that is not in his plans. I need to ask to be at peace with what his plans for me. Honestly I am not ready to do that yet. I feel as though that is giving up on a dream.. maybe a dream that makes no sense to anyone but me.. but it's my dream. And when I do pray that He helps me to come to peace with His plans for me, I know the healing will start but I just can't do it yet. I know God is there just waiting to heal me.
I'm glad my God is a patient God.